Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You pole danced in your parka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
