Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
