watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
