We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
