You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
