how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
