shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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