we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
