Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
