The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
