I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
