make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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