oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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