My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Houston, we have a squirter
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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