sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
