just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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