I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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