I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
