when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
