That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
