I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
