People in love make me want to vomit
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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