your parents love me but you hate me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
