it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
