come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
