u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
