my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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