the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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