I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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