nut hugger
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
