Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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