I have demons in me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
