i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
