Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
