My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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