So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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