Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
