Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
