I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
