ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just forgot I was standing up.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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