My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
