I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
