I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
