just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
