I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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