Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
