he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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