I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
