Your face is a jimmy john
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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