kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
