He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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