someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
