once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
