You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
